The U.S. is a Clown Show

Notes from across the pond.

Top stories in my curated newsfeed:

https://us.yahoo.com/sports/matthew-staffords-wife-kelly-rants-about-covid-19-rules-im-over-living-in-a-dictatorship-we-call-michigan-185600459.html

Pro athlete’s wife is not pleased with Michigan’s draconian temporary lockdown, which shuts down (*checks notes*):

  • Public schools
  • Indoor dining
  • Casinos
  • Theaters
  • Bowling alleys

Dictatorship, y’all.

“First, they came for the blackjack dealers, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a blackjack dealer. Then they came for the theater projectionists, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a theater projectionist. Then they came for the guy who sprays the bowling shoes, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t the guy who sprays the bowling shoes.

Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak out for me. Or spend my husband’s $25 million dollar football salary.”

So brave.

https://us.yahoo.com/lifestyle/world-happening-rudy-giuliani-213942093.html

Next up, Rudy being Rudy (always a winner)!

Quoting My Cousin Vinny (as one generally does during serious legal press conferences), “brown liquid dripping down both sides of his face… it appeared Giuliani was sweating gravy.”

Super on-brand, stay classy, Rudy!

https://us.yahoo.com/lifestyle/while-americans-die-covid-tom-165635563.html

And Tom Cotton—the very best and brightest Arkansas has to offer the US Senate, and probably the most unabashed China hawk in the entire governing body—keeping his eye on the prize, heeding Americans to pay attention to the abuses and injustices suffered by (*checks notes*)…

…the Pilgrims.

Yep! Checks out: insidious, George Soros-funded scheme to defame and denigrate true Americans? Check. Religious persecution? Big check. The work of “’revisionist charlatans of the radical left’ who want to ‘rewrite’ American history to mark 1619 — the year the first enslaved African arrived in Virginia — as the year the U.S. began”? Big, bold, red check, obviously.

***

Michigan is a tinderbox—huge militia population and a bitter, bitter divide over Covid policy and its ramifications re: “liberty” (of the “don’t tread on me” variety, specifically).

Trump and Rudy are digging the fuck in, trying their best to incite and delay, withholding government access from Biden’s transition team (which will undoubtedly ensure a super smooth, orderly transfer of power in these low-stakes, laidback times we live in).

And, of course, the senate has time to pontificate on Pilgrim atrocities—the ones committed against them (duh), and by the usual cavalcade of freedom-hating hippies and minorities, naturally. But they lack the time—and/or the stomachs—to enact actual, meaningful legislation. The world’s biggest economy is rudderless, macroeconomically, and this motherfucker is worried about Miles-fucking-Standish and the de-Christianization of Thanksgiving??

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“Plantagenet, I will; and like thee, Nero,

Play on the lute, beholding the towns burn.”

Henry VI, Part I, Act I